Okay peeps, I found this interesting piece on a fellow blogger’s page, and I thought I should share it for y’all to read.
Hey! Don’t crucify me after reading these piece, it’s just an honest opinion from a fellow human being.
It’s your call.. you don’t have to agree with it if you don’t want to. Thanks for your understanding..
Read full article below….
“Marriage is a big deal. In fact, for most single ladies, it is the biggest deal, if not the only one. It brings to mind those secondary school days when we used to talk about the day that’d be the happiest in our entire lives, more than half of us girls were quick to say, “my wedding day!”, lol… I lie?
The cray thing though, is that I never assumed my wedding day would be the happiest of my life, because you see, I was convinced I wasn’t going to get married, I want a lot of things from life, but marriage just never appeared to be for me. I didn’t think I could do it. It seems to take a lot of work. I mean, what if I got bored? Getting bored was my biggest worry. Can’t say it still isn’t. It used to leave me in awe whenever I hear/see a couple celeberate their silver/golden wedding anniversary, I used to be like, “dude! 50 years of living together? I don’t even date guys I have to see everyday!” Of course those were days when marriage was once in a lifetime.
Basically, I couldn’t imagine or believe that two entirely different individuals could co-habit, do things together, build more similarities than differences, and most importantly honor their marriage vows for 25/50 years. It sounded like a lie. A front.
It leaves me chuckling when I hear girls talk about getting married as though it’s the ticket to heaven, I mean, I no longer think marriage is not for me, but it is still not a do or die affair either. If it happens, fine, if not, fine. But it has to be the real deal, not this sham with prenups flying here and there.
My friend once told me, “Bunmi, you need a man, don’t assume you don’t need one, when you meet the right man, you’ll forget all those reservations you have about marriage. It is the best thing that can happen to a girl. There’s no respect for a woman who has no husband.” Blah blah…well, maybe she’s right, maybe there’s a ‘the one’ out there, we shall see. Although I dont quite agree with the respect part, marry a goof and your self worth would fly out the window. Your respect comes with what you make of yourself.
I was in a leaders’ meeting in church about 3 years ago, and while talking about the choices we make and how they could be our undoing, my pastor said, “some people could go to hell for marrying wrongly. I don’t know why sisters especially go on as if marriage is what will take them to heaven. You start lamenting, ‘oh pastor you won’t understand, I’m turning 35, my biological clock is ticking’, what is your problem? Okay, let me ask you this, what will happen if you don’t get married? Will you die?”… Hah! That was rhema for me, I wrote it down and couldn’t wait to get home to share with my friends…hehehe.
I knew there were several of us who would have been like, ‘this pastor is only saying that because he’s married’, but the truth really is, he asked a question any average young lady is afraid to face: what if I never get married? To some, thinking like that, let alone speaking it loud, is like a curse…I don’t think so. It is one thing to say you’ll never get married because you’re hopeless and certain no man would ever want you, it’s another to not want to get married because you’re not sure you can stick with one partner the rest of your life, it is yet another thing to choose not to just because you’d rather not, and of course another thing entirely to keep an open mind and concentrate on being a better individual, that way, you’re not under any pressure to say yes to the first man that asks just because your ‘biological’ clock is ticking. It is all about your mindset.
During my NYSC, someone asked me which I wanted more, get married or have kids, of course I didn’t have to think twice about my answer, because, take it anywhere and back, I rate being a mom way above being a wife. You can stop being a wife, you can’t stop being a mom. One is a job, the other a skill. End of story. My theory is mine. You have yours.
I believe in love, I believe happy-ever-after can happen for anyone with the right partner. I believe two are better than one. I love wedding pictures, God! I love wedding cakes. The love stories of how some people got to the big question moves me. But the part the guests won’t be a part of, the part the cameras won’t capture, after all the eating and dancing and paparazzi, the part where the two actually get to do the work; the marriage, that is the part that daunts me. It is no joke, and I respect those who can stick it out for more than a couple of years.
I don’t care how crazy the world has gotten. Divorce is a record I’d rather not have. I would rather not get married than not stay married. Which is why we girls especially ought to be careful and watch/define what we want exactly…the wedding or the marriage? I am of the opinion that keeping the ‘what if I never get married’ attitude would help us focus on other important things in life, things that make us better, happier, more valuable, and in turn make us better partner/wife/mom materials. I believe it takes two happy singles to be happily married. I also believe we shall not all get married. That’s the gospel truth. Deal with it.
Afterall, to find someone to love, you gotta be someone to love.”
Written by: Bunmi Babs
Culled from: wow9ija.blogspot.com
